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Table of Contents
 
Praise
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Introduction
Our Resistance to Authenticity
How This Book Works
Understanding Authenticity
My Personal Journey of Authenticity
How to Use This Book
An Important Message from Me to You
 
part one
 
Chapter 1
 
We Aren’t Taught or Encouraged to Be Authentic
Unhealthy Messages
Questions to Ponder
 
Chapter 2
 
The Creation of Our Personas
Self-Criticism
Fear
Questions to Ponder
 
part two
Chapter 3
 
Knowing Who We Are
Choosing to Grow
PRACTICES
 
Chapter 4
 
Making Peace with Fear
Utilizing the Power of Our Fear in a Positive Way
PRACTICES
 
Chapter 5
 
Speaking Our Truth
Resolving Conflict
Expressing All of Our Emotions
PRACTICES
 
Chapter 6
 
What Does It Mean to Be Bold?
How to Be Bold
PRACTICES
 
Chapter 7
 
Making Peace with Ourselves
Appreciating Ourselves
PRACTICES
 
part three
Chapter 8
 
What Was This Book About, Anyway?
Part One:Why It Can Be Hard to Be Authentic
Part Two: The Five Principles of Authenticity
Authenticity in Action
A Final Word of Acknowledgment for You
 
resources
about the author

More Praise for Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken
“The title alone is such a profound reminder for all of us, and the book delivers a marvelous manual of authenticity. I’m so glad to recommend it and live its principles.”
—SARK, author/artist, Juicy Pens,Thirsty Paper
 
“In this book Mike Robbins challenges us to be ourselves, speak our truth, and live with authenticity. Utilizing these principles will allow you to take your life, work, and relationships to the next level.”
—Tom Rath, New York Times best-selling
author, StrengthsFinder 2.0
 
“Mike Robbins has taken the concept of authenticity and put it on the map. With so many self-help books going over safe and well-worn territory, here is a groundbreaking and well-written treatise on something we all need and that has before this eluded clarity. This is an excellent book!”
—Fred Luskin, Ph.D., author, Forgive for Good,
and director of the Stanford Forgiveness Project
 
Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is a bold call for each of us to ‘wake up’ and be real. As Mike Robbins models, writes about, and teaches us, our world needs people who are willing and courageous enough to be vulnerable and authentic. This is an important book that gives you a pathway to being more real in your life, your work, and your relationships.”
—Lynne Twist, author, The Soul of Money, and
cofounder of The Pachamama Alliance
 
“We criticize politicians for not being real with us, but when is the last time you tried to distinguish between your own ‘public self’ and the real you? Mike Robbins has tackled this timely topic with great skill and depth. What does it mean to live authentically? Are you truly being yourself? The answers are all here in this highly accessible, eye-opening book that is certain to have an impact on your life.”
—Susan Page, author, Why Talking Is Not Enough
 
“Mike Robbins knows the secret about the difference between presence and performance that all we perennial adolescents have to learn in this culture to finally grow up. And he is very articulate about it! He teaches that authenticity, intimacy, joy in living, and success in life depend upon our ability to be present to each other and honestly report what we have done, what we think, what we feel, and what we notice. And he also knows that we have to stick with each other until we are clear and complete, whether, in the end, we agree or disagree—no schemes, no hidden agendas, no bullshit. More power to you, Mike! This is a wonderful book!”
—Brad Blanton, Ph.D., author, Radical Honesty
 
“I cannot think of a better person than Mike Robbins to write a book on authenticity. He totally gets it and he knows how to communicate it. This is one of those books that will have you say, ‘that book changed my life!’”
—Rich Fettke, coauthor, Extreme Success
 
“Mike Robbins is a model of everything he teaches. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is a call to action. It challenges all of us to be who we are and to live authentic lives.”
—Yvonne and Rich Dutra-St. John, coauthors, Be the Hero
You’ve BeenWaiting For, and cofounders of Challenge Day
 
“Mike Robbins and I were both blessed to have Richard Carlson as our dear friend. It’s through Richard that I have come to know Mike, whom I have discovered to be one of the most kind, positive, and loving human beings I’ve ever had the privilege to know. He has discovered how to be himself, his true Self, and with great candor, humility, and eloquence shares with the reader how to achieve the same in their own lives. This work is simple, complete, and profound. I highly recommend it for anyone who is done trying to be someone who they are not and wants to just be themselves.”
—Joe Bailey, author, Fearproof Your Life
 
“Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is written with openness and passion. In this powerful book, Mike Robbins teaches us simple but profound ways to be more real and conscious in our lives and relationships.”
—Kris Carlson, author, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff for Women
 
“Mike Robbins’s wonderful new book, Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken, is a brilliant, insightful guidebook on the path to freedom . . . freedom from the fear of being unacceptable and unworthy . . . freedom from the fear of not being ‘enough.’ Inside you—right now—a voice is crying out to be liberated from that prison of fear. Your heart longs to be free from pretense, deception, and insecurity. Your deepest, most ‘authentic’ being is crying out for honesty, acceptance, and unconditional love. Nurture that yearning and give that voice a song by reading and digesting this delicious, empowering book. I highly recommend it!”
—John Welshons, author, Awakening from Grief
 
“This book is for everyone who ever second-guessed themselves. Mike Robbins shows you how to face your fears and tell the world the truth about who you really are. An inspiring writer—and a really cool guy—Mike Robbins is like Wayne Dyer meets Tony Robbins meets your most supportive friend. With inspiration, hope, and humor he takes you by the hand and shows you how to become who you were always meant to be.”
—Lisa Earle McLeod, syndicated columnist, author,
Finding Grace When You Can’t Even Find Clean Underwear
 
“Mike Robbins writes with clarity and heart. Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken gives you powerful tools and insights for living your life with greater depth, awareness, and authenticity.”
—Christopher Andersonn, author,
Will You Still Love Me If I Don’t Win?
 
“An inspirational, accessible, and very practical book on cultivating essential practices and principles for maintaining one’s authenticity, self-respect, and self-trust, in order to be a consistent and original contributing force in one’s family, community, and the world. Relevant for all ages and professions!”
—Angeles Arrien, Ph.D., author, The Second Half of Life

001

For my beautiful and amazing girls,
Samantha and Annarose.Thank you both for
being exactly who you are, for teaching me so much,
and for reminding me about what truly matters in life.
I love you both very much and I’m so grateful to be your daddy!

acknowledgments
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My heart is filled with gratitude, love, and appreciation as I reflect on all of the wonderful people who’ve supported me in the creation of this book, in my life, and with my work.
First and foremost, Michelle Benoit Robbins, thank you for being such an amazing woman, wife, and mother. I’m so grateful to be married to you, and I appreciate the way you love me, the way you take care of our girls and our family, and how you show up in life. Thank you for supporting me in writing this book while you were pregnant and chasing a toddler around—you’re incredible! Samantha Benoit Robbins, thanks for being my “extra spicy girl” and for the way you express yourself so passionately. You are such a great teacher to me and mommy, and I love you very much. Annarose Benoit Robbins, thanks for coming into this world and bringing your peaceful, beautiful spirit into our family. You had a big influence on this book from your mommy’s belly, and we’re so grateful to be your parents.
Richard Carlson, I miss you, brother, and feel your loving presence around and within me all the time. I continue to be grateful for all the ways you did and still do teach and mentor me. Kris Carlson, thank you for your amazing support of me, our family, and my work. Your generosity is incredible, and I appreciate all that you did to support me in writing this book.
Chris Andersonn, thank you for all that you’ve done and still do to help me get in touch with who I really am. Rich Fettke, your generosity and mentorship allowed me to step onto this path of writing, and I’m eternally grateful to you for that and so much more. Rich and Yvonne Dutra-St. John, you both inspire me in how you live your lives; do your work; and love each other with such passion and authenticity.
Lois Robbins (mom) thanks for your enthusiasm, for always encouraging me for to go for it, and for your commitment to me and our family. Ed Robbins (dad), thank you for teaching me how to express myself with passion and heart, and for reminding me that people are always more important than things. Lori Robbins, I’m grateful to be your brother and appreciate your love and support. Rachel Cohen, thanks for being you, for teaching me so much, and for always being willing to tell the truth.
Susan Miller, you’re a great assistant and a wonderful friend. Thank you for taking such good care of me and supporting our entire family. Tyson Wooters, what a gift you’ve been to my life and my business. Thanks for all that you’ve done to support me and my work. Linda Chester, I appreciate having you as my agent and how you’ve helped make my dream of being an author come true. Alan Rinzler, thanks for your editing, for being who you are, and for teaching me so much about myself and about writing. Jennifer Wenzel, I’m grateful to work with you and to have you as a friend. Thanks for your contribution to this book and your dedicated support.
Steve Farrell, thanks for your contribution to this book and for all the ways you’ve contributed to my life for so many years. I’m grateful for our connection and for all the ways you’ve inspired me to “step out” and be myself. Theo Androus, your friendship and support continue to bless my life. Thanks for challenging me, teaching me, and being the incredible man that you are. Jess Bart-Williams, I love how real you are and appreciate your honest feedback, support, and friendship. Arthur Bart-Williams, thanks for being who you are and for how you support me and our family. John Brautovich, I’m grateful for our friendship and love how you show up in my life.
Jerry Benoit and Chris Seger, I’m grateful to have you as in-laws and appreciate your generous support. Georgie Weston, Rosa Ibarro, Kerry McIlvenna-Davis, Pam Quinn, Galaxy Hasley, and Amy Brain, thank you for taking care of my girls and supporting our whole family while I was writing and with all my travel and work. I’m so grateful for each of you.
Johnny and Lara Fernandez, I appreciate who you are, how you live your lives, and how you support me, my work, and our family. Sean Flikke, you are one of a kind, my friend, and I’m grateful for your love, support, and friendship. Asa Siegel, I love you, brother, and I’m grateful for the longevity, depth, and mutual support of our friendship. Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, thank you for your friendship and inspiration. Fred Luskin, I appreciate your support, guidance, and mentorship.
Clint Greenleef, Terces Englehart, David Fererra, Scott Halford, and Holly Stiel—thank you for your contributions to this book, your honesty, and your support of me and my work. I’m honored to have you as friends.
Debra Hunter, Paul Foster, Nana Twumasi, Mike Onorato, Tolu Babalola, Adam Levison, Libby Powell, Carrie Wright, Carol Hartland, Erin Beam, Joanne Farness, Sophia Ho, Keira Kordowski, Susan Geraghty, Dave Horne, and everyone else at Jossey-Bass and Wiley who has been involved with this book and working with me, thanks for your hard work, commitment, and support. It’s an honor for me to be a part of your team.
To all of those I didn’t mention specifically—friends, family members, clients, colleagues, coaches, mentors, speakers, authors, teachers, teams, organizations, and others who’ve supported me in writing this book, along my path, and in my life and work—thank you for encouraging me, challenging me, teaching me, being there for me, and helping bring out the best in me.
Finally, as a way of practicing what I preach, being vulnerable, and celebrating myself—I appreciate me. For having the courage to write this book; for balancing everything in my life to make it happen; for my commitment and dedication to my own growth and to being real; and for my vulnerability, heart, and passion—I acknowledge myself!

introduction
003
We live in a culture that is starving for authenticity. We want our leaders, our co-workers, our family members, our friends, and everyone else we interact with to tell us the truth and to be themselves. Most important, we want to have the personal freedom and confidence to say, do, and be who we really are, without worrying so much about how we appear to others and what they will think or say about us.
Sadly, however, even though we may say we want to live in a way that is true to our deepest passions, beliefs, and desires, most of us don’t. We’ve been taught by our parents, teachers, spouses, friends, co-workers, politicians, the media, and others that it’s more important to be liked and to fit in than it is to be who we truly are. In addition, many of us assume that who we are is not good enough, and therefore we’re constantly trying to fix ourselves or to act like others we think are better than us.
However, the message of this book is, as the famous nineteenth-century author and poet Oscar Wilde so brilliantly stated, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.”

Our Resistance to Authenticity

How often do you not do or say something you really want to because you’re worried about what others might think? For most of us, including me, this happens many times on a daily basis. It’s not that we intend to lie or deceive people in some overt or malicious way (although sometimes we do); it’s mainly that we’ve been trained to do and say what we think others want us to, or what we guess will be “appropriate” in any given situation. We basically don’t believe we can truly be ourselves and still “make it” in life.
When it comes to being authentic, the bottom line for most people I know or work with, and for myself as well, is that we’re scared. We don’t want to deal with what we imagine to be the consequences of authenticity—people’s judgments and reactions, our own fears and doubts, possible failure or rejection, and more—so we just shut up and try to fit in. In addition, being true to ourselves takes real courage, commitment, and awareness. We often aren’t willing to do what it takes to live our lives, do our work, communicate with others, create relationships, and look deeply at ourselves with a real sense of authenticity and truth. And, even when we do, it can be such a vulnerable and scary experience for us, we’re not sure if we’ve ultimately done more harm than good—to ourselves and others.
As I travel around the country and speak to groups of all kinds—at businesses, nonprofits, government agencies, universities, churches, schools, public seminars, bookstores, and elsewhere—the challenge and desire for authenticity resonate deeply with the people I talk to. Most of the clients I’ve worked with one-on-one as a coach over the years have also struggled with their desire to have a real sense of authenticity in their lives. This is the paradox of authenticity; we both seek it and fear it at the same time.

How This Book Works

Be Yourself, Everyone Else Is Already Taken is a book that shows you how to move through the fears and limitations that prevent you from living true to yourself and how to bring more authenticity into your life. This book is about noticing and taking responsibility for the societal forces, people around you, and personal beliefs that can stop you from being authentic, and, most important, how you can move beyond what holds you back and be even more real with yourself and others in your life.
The ideas, principles, exercises, and practices laid out in this book give you specific techniques that allow you to
• Confront and transform your fear
• Express yourself fully and with confidence
• Deal with conflicts directly and resolve them effectively
• Take risks and go for what you truly want
• Keep things in perspective and have more fun
• Trust, forgive, and celebrate yourself
• Have more freedom, peace, and confidence in your relationships, your work, and your life
Authenticity is a process. It’s something that continues to evolve throughout our entire lives. We can’t become “authentic” in the same way we can earn a degree or accomplish a financial goal. Authenticity—like love, health, courage, awareness, patience, and more—is an ideal we aspire to and is something we must practice in the moment-by-moment, day-by-day experiences of life. Our ability to be real can and will deepen as we move through our journey of life, if we’re conscious about it. Becoming more of who we really are is a process that never ends. As the famous saying goes, “there is no way to peace, peace is the way.” The same could be said about authenticity.
No book, workshop, teacher, or anything else can make you “authentic” in a quick and easy way. Authenticity has to come from deep within you. This book, however, will help you confront some of your own personal challenges with being honest and genuine, and presents many powerful principles that when integrated into your life on a regular basis can allow you to access a deeper place of truth within you. This book can be a catalyst for you to be yourself in a more real way—thus giving you the profound peace, freedom, power, liberation, joy, depth, and fulfillment that accompany authenticity.

Understanding Authenticity

Authenticity is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. While most of us understand what it means on the surface—to be “real”—there is a much deeper awareness we must have of ourselves and of life if we’re going to be authentic in our work, our relationships, and how we live.
There are a few specific reasons why authenticity is misunderstood.
• First of all, it’s unique and personal for each of us, which can make it difficult to define in a universal way.
• Second, what it means for us to be “authentic” changes throughout our lives as we grow and evolve.
• Third, due to the complex nature of real authenticity, many of us are not willing to take an honest look at ourselves, speak our truth, or live our lives in a way that is true. This resistance is based on a number of personal factors—fear of embarrassment, family programming, societal expectations, and more.

What Authenticity Is Not

There are a number of common misconceptions of what it actually means to be authentic. These misconceptions add to the confusion we have about authenticity and also make it that much more difficult for us to live authentic lives. Many of us think that in order to be authentic . . .
• I have to know exactly what I want to do with my life, where I’m going, and what’s important to me at all times.
• I have to get in people’s faces, tell them how I think and feel, and let them know what’s on my mind no matter what.
• I have to be unique and creative.
• I have to possess some kind of special talent or skill.
• I have to be fearless and not care what others think about me.
• I have to be passionate and always take risks.
• I have to be a loner and someone who “marches to the beat of my own drum.”
• I have to be “cool.”
• I have to have had lots of dramatic obstacles in my life that I’ve dealt with and overcome.
Some of the items on this list can, in fact, be aspects of authenticity and important in our journey toward deeper realness. The way we often try to put these myths into action, however, are in the form of ego-based posturing or superficial behaviors that don’t amount to real authenticity. Whenever we think we have to do or be any particular way, chances are we aren’t being authentic. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with anything on this list, authenticity is much deeper than this.

What Authenticity Really Is

If you look up the word authenticity on Dictionary.com, the description reads, “The quality of being authentic; genuineness.” When you then go to the word authentic, there are a few variations:
• Not false or copied; genuine; real: an authentic antique.
• Having the origin supported by unquestionable evidence; authenticated; verified: an authentic document of the Middle Ages; an authentic work of the old master.
• Entitled to acceptance or belief because of agreement with known facts or experience; reliable; trustworthy: an authentic report on poverty in Africa.
• According to Law. Executed with all due formalities: an authentic deed.
While all of these definitions make sense and essentially reinforce our general understanding that authenticity means “realness” and “genuineness,” for the purposes of this book and our inquiry into what authenticity really is and how it affects our work, our relationships, and our own personal journeys of life, I think it’s important for us to take a deeper cut at it.
Fundamentally, authenticity is about you being you—fully. It’s about being yourself—understanding, owning, acknowledging, appreciating, and expressing all of who you are—both the light and the dark. Being authentic is one of the most challenging yet important aspects of our growth as human beings. It involves being totally honest about ourselves and with others. When we’re authentic, we’re vulnerable, aware, open, curious, and truthful above all else. We’re in touch with our thoughts and our feelings, our doubts and our fears, our dreams and our passions, and so much more. When we’re authentic, we’re also able to own up to it when we’re being phony. In my experience, all of this is much easier said than done. It’s one thing for me to teach people about authenticity—and another thing altogether for me to be authentic in my life, my work, and my relationships.
Although there are many things we can do and say that are authentic, and much of what we’ll discuss throughout this book focuses on action, real authenticity is actually as much about being as it is about doing. When we’re being authentic, the words we say, the choices we make, and the actions we take will likely and easily be in line and congruent with our true selves.
Personal authenticity is not about proving anything to anyone; it’s about being ourselves from our core. What’s true for us is true for us, and when we know it and feel it within us, it doesn’t need to be defended—just owned and ultimately lived.

The Benefits of Being Authentic

When we tell the truth and live our lives in an authentic way the benefits are profound. Authenticity can allow us to disentangle ourselves from much of our own pain and suffering, which frees us up to say, do, be, experience, and go for the things we really want in life. Here are some of the many benefits of being authentic:
• Confidence in yourself and a willingness to pursue your passions
• Freedom from things that hold you back—worry, excuses, other people’s opinions, manipulation, avoidance, and more
• Improved health, decreased stress, and increased energy
• Enhanced connection with yourself and others
• Peace of mind
• Self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-love
• Fun
These and so many other wonderful things become possible when we have the courage to tell the truth, be ourselves, and live with real authenticity.

My Personal Journey of Authenticity

Like most people, I struggle with my own sense of personal authenticity and question on a regular basis who I am, how I show up in life, and some of the things I do and say. I say this with a deep sense of compassion, truth, and appreciation for myself and for all of us as human beings. If we’re really honest about it, most of us are full of it most of the time. This is, of course, my judgmental opinion, but as I engage with others, many of them admit to this themselves and resonate with it in a deep way.
As you know, being inauthentic can and does cause a lot of pain in our own lives and for those around us. But even more harmful, as I’ve learned many times personally, is when we’re being inauthentic and we don’t even realize it.
I’ve spent most of my life doing everything I can to look good, be liked, and do well—all in an attempt to impress others, have them approve of me, and hear them say nice things either to me or about me to others. Much of my own striving for success in school, in sports, and in business has been about proving that I’m a good person and worthy of people’s attention and admiration. As I’ve come to learn, this ego-driven, people-pleasing process is not only insatiable, it’s damaging to us and to those around us.
At the same time, I’ve always had an innate fascination with what’s real—for me, for others, and in general. In other words, I’ve been interested in and passionate about authenticity for most of my life. I’ve always had a pretty good “B.S. meter” and have resonated with and been drawn to people and situations that felt genuine to me.

What Failure Did for Me

I spent much of my childhood focused on sports, baseball especially. I loved playing baseball and was good at it. I played all through school, got drafted by the New York Yankees out of high school, but chose not to sign with the Yankees and instead to play baseball at Stanford University. After my junior year at Stanford, I got drafted again, this time by the Kansas City Royals, and signed a pro contract. In my third season in the Royals organization, at the age of twenty-three while I was still in the minor leagues, my baseball career ended abruptly when I tore ligaments in my left elbow and blew out my pitching arm. As I wrote in my first book, Focus on the Good Stuff, as devastating as this career-ending injury was for me, it also was one of the greatest lessons of my life—as it taught me, in somewhat of a painful way, the importance of appreciating life and myself as things are happening, not after the fact.
My favorite day of every baseball season as a kid and even as I got older was the last day. Usually on the last day of the season, you’d lose. And while I wasn’t a big fan of losing, especially as a way to end the season, there were two things I loved about this final game. First of all, with the season ending, the pressure was off, at least for the moment. It no longer mattered how I performed, my rank and status on the team, how well I pitched, and so on. I felt like I was off the “hot seat” and also that all of my teammates whom I competed with, compared myself to, and often felt jealous of throughout the season were now all in the same boat with me—we were on the same level. The end of the season was like the great equalizer, and I appreciated that.
The second and more important reason that I loved this final game was that often some of the other guys on the team, even the tough ones, would break down and cry. Although this wasn’t something that happened very often (because we’d all been taught, directly or indirectly, at a very early age that “boys don’t cry”), when it did happen, it felt real and I appreciated it. It also made me feel like I wasn’t such a freak because I cried myself from time to time, and wanted to on a regular basis—although I’d done a good job training myself to keep my emotions bottled up so as to not get made fun of by my teammates or others.

Thinking Something Was Wrong with Me

I spent much of my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood feeling like there was something really wrong with me, even though on the outside I seemed to have it all together—good grades, good looks, lots of friends, good at sports, and basically “happy” and “successful.” I figured I was just too sensitive, too paranoid, too insecure, too emotional, or something else, because I always seemed to doubt myself, to feel like an outsider, and to think I didn’t measure up to those around me—regardless of my external “success.” I felt like I was “faking it” all the time. But whenever I would see someone cry, or any time someone did or said something that seemed real or vulnerable, it always made me feel more connected to them personally and more normal myself.
As I’ve moved along through my life and listened to the fears, doubts, and insecurities of thousands of people, I’m now convinced that we all have times in life, some more than others, when we think something’s wrong with us. There was and is nothing wrong with me for thinking and feeling this way, although I thought there was when I was younger and still sometimes go there when I’m feeling insecure these days.
I’ve also had many experiences that have taught me a great deal about myself and have brought me face to face with some of my deepest fears, blocks, blind spots, and places where I’m not being or living true to myself at all. As challenging and painful as some of these experiences have been for me, they’ve also been some of my best teachers, especially as it relates to being real.

Painful Losses

Over the past seven or eight years, I’ve experienced a number of painful losses, most significantly the death of my father in 2001 and the death of my friend and mentor Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, in 2006. These were two of the most important men in my life. In each case, their passing was unexpected, shocking, and incredibly painful for me. I had dealt with the death of people close to me before, but after both my dad and Richard died, the level of grief I felt when they each passed away was more intense than I’d ever experienced. In both cases, I was rocked to my core and wasn’t sure how I would be able to move forward in my life without these two significant and special men. At the same time, these experiences were transformational.
There can be real magic in death. Ironically, it can wake us up to the gift of life, which is what my dad’s and Richard’s deaths both did for me in so many ways. They also scared me, saddened me deeply, and had me consider many things I never had before—both light and dark. In the days and weeks that followed their deaths, I felt intensely aware, present, alive, and authentic, which I greatly appreciated.
This is often the case when something like this happens and can be one of the beautiful blessings of a tragedy, even in the midst of the pain. Think of the times in your own life when something intense has happened, such as the death of someone close, getting laid off, divorce, a health scare, a major financial challenge, or something else that really gets your attention and wakes you up. Don’t you often stop and appreciate life in a deeper way and interact with yourself and others from a more authentic perspective? This can also be true for positive, “peak experiences” we may have—marriage, the accomplishment of a big goal, the birth of a child, a major milestone, and so on. Sadly, soon after these types of experiences we often lose our expanded perspective and awareness and go back to “life as usual.” It’s like a beautiful window of vulnerability and awareness opens up briefly and then closes quickly—we go back to being inauthentic and allow the busyness of day-to-day life to take over again. Even though I’m intensely aware of this phenomenon, I see it happen in my own life and around me all the time—and it always makes me sad.

The Freedom of Authenticity

This book is about retaining in everyday life the same level of conscious awareness we have after a tragedy, wake-up call, or peak experience. What if we could live in that heightened state of appreciation and authenticity on a more regular basis? Because this awareness comes from within us and is created by us, not by the external circumstances, we each have the power to live this way all the time if we choose to do so. It’s not easy, takes a great deal of courage, and is often not encouraged or celebrated, but truly being ourselves and living our lives in this authentic way can give us real peace, passion, and purpose in life.
I’ve experienced, in my own life and in the lives of so many others, the power and freedom created by authenticity—an insight, a bold action, a difficult but important conversation, an apology, a raw expression of emotion, or a vulnerable admission. The times in my life when I’ve had the courage to do, say, or feel what was true for me at the deepest level, even though I’ve often been terrified, have been some of the most fulfilling, liberating, and exciting experiences I’ve ever had. As Eckhart Tolle says in his book A New Earth, “Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.”

How to Use This Book

BeYourself, Everyone Else Is Already