This edition first published 2018
© 2018 Paul McGee
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: McGee, Paul, 1964- author.
Title: How to have a great life : 35 surprisingly simple ways to success, fulfilment and happiness / by Paul McGee.
Description: First edition. | Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex : Wiley, 2018. |
Identifiers: LCCN 2018008700 (print) | ISBN 9780857087751 (pbk.)
Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Success. | Self-realization. | Happiness.
Classification: LCC BF637.S4 .M239 2018 (print) | DDC 158–c23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018008700
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 978–0–857–08775–1 (pbk) ISBN 978–0–857–08778–2 (ebk)
ISBN 978–0–857–08777–5 (ebk)
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Cover Design: Wiley
To Matt and Ruffio
with love
The likelihood is that you and I have never met. So, as we embark on what at times will be a deeply personal journey, I wanted to share what's inspired and also shaped and influenced the words you are about to read.
I've been writing books for over 20 years. This is my eleventh and I'm incredibly excited about writing this one, even more so than my previous books. Were I ever to have grandchildren, this would be the first book of mine I'd like them to read. I think it contains some life lessons that I know will be of huge benefit for them to learn.
But I've also struggled in writing this book for one simple reason:
I feel a fraud and a sense of arrogance in doing so.
Why?
Well, I've had to ask myself the question ‘Who am I to write a book called How to Have a Great Life?’ Am I assuming that your life isn't so great, and that I have all the answers? Can I honestly look back on over half a century on this planet and describe my life as great?
To be honest, I cringe at such a thought. Like many people, my life at times has been a rollercoaster. I've certainly enjoyed some highs, but I've also endured some lows.
So, cards on the table. We're embarking on a journey together, and I hope when it ends you feel it's been a worthwhile, enjoyable, and stimulating ride. But we're doing this together. You and me. I'm convinced you’ll discover ideas and insights that will enhance your life, and that will bring increased success, fulfilment, and happiness.
But equally, so will I.
We're all on a learning journey together, and the words I write don't come from a place of smug, superior self-satisfaction, but more from a place of surprise that, despite my occasional screw-ups, stumbles, and struggles over the years, I've learnt quite a few things along the way and had some successes too.
I'm genuinely excited by this book because I believe what you're about to read is hugely important. It's about the most crucial topic you’ll ever explore – your life and how to make the most of it. The reality is, whatever our age, gender, culture, or background, we all have similar needs. We all want to be loved. To belong. To have a sense of purpose. And perhaps without even realizing it, we spend the whole of our lives trying to meet and fulfil those needs.
The question is, how can you increase your chances of fulfilling those needs and avoid the potential pitfalls, blind alleys, and possibly even roads to self-destruction?
That's what this book is about.
My own life experience has been wide and varied. I've worked in a job I detested, trained as a probation officer, nursed terminally ill cancer patients, and lost a high-flying graduate management role with a global brand through ill-health. I've also managed 30 women on the economy beef burger line at a frozen food company. If you've never managed 30 women you haven't lived. If you've never eaten economy beef burgers, you're lucky.
I've been running my own business for over 26 years. During that time, I've worked with teachers, entrepreneurs, salespeople, nurses, politicians, Premier League footballers, business gurus, and chief executives.
And during that time, I've learnt this: if theories are great, trust me, experience has been priceless.
And it's many of these life experiences that I’ll be drawing on in order to help us discover the insights, ideas, and inspiration required to have a great life.
You’ll notice I use stories a lot. Stories stick, and their appeal spans all ages and cultures. I’ll be sharing my struggles as well as my successes. My brand of motivation is Mancunian in nature (I was born in South Manchester), rather than Californian. Less ra ra, more reality.
I'm also conscious that, despite many people's desire to develop and improve their lives, they increasingly seem to have less and less time to do so. I'm a huge fan of personal development books, but even I feel somewhat daunted at the prospect of wading through hundreds of pages of small typeface in search of my latest insight or nugget of inspiration.
That's why I've written this book the way I have. It's snack-sized inspiration if you like, but there's no sell-by date. Start wherever you want to start. Read in whatever order you want to. Each chapter is self-contained, but I recognize some will have more relevance to you than others. Some may even seem to contradict others. That's intentional. I want to give you a range of insights, not some black and white, step-by-step guide to success. I deliberately want to offer contrasting perspectives, as I think it's both superficial and unhelpful to take a ‘one size fits all’ approach to life. So, no single chapter tells the whole story, but each will bring a perspective for you to ponder. My advice is not to race through the book. Take your time. Allow some of the ideas and insights to digest. Share what you read with others. Doing so not only helps to cement what you've read but could also stimulate further thoughts and actions.
Some of what you’ll read you’ll have come across before. The content will be familiar, but how I've packaged it may not be. I make no apologies for reminding you of stuff you already know. In this distraction-filled world of constant communication in all its forms, we need to be reminded of truths and insights that can easily get lost and forgotten in the constant noise of life.
There will be chapters where I explore territory which is less familiar to you. At points I’ll have a perspective which perhaps seems counterintuitive or contradicts something you've come across previously. Again, I make no apologies. This book is not my attempt to simply re-hash or echo other people's ideas, but to provide some fresh food for thought, to provoke you to think more and examine familiar aspects of your life in a less familiar way. Where I can, I’ll aim to inject some humour into proceedings. Life can be serious, but there's a danger we can take ourselves a little too seriously at times.
My hope is that not only will you feel better equipped to have a great life, but you’ll be able to share what you've learnt to help others do the same. I think we can all play a part in helping each other live more successful, fulfilled, and happier lives.
I'd love your feedback too, so feel free to tweet @TheSumoGuy (use #greatlife) or email Paul.McGee@theSUMOguy.com – I promise I’ll reply.
Enjoy the ride.
Paul McGee
OK, let me start with three quick questions. When you get dressed, which shoe do you put on first, your left or your right? Secondly, when you go up a flight of stairs, which leg goes up first, your left or your right one? Finally, when you chew your food, which side of your mouth do you mostly tend to use, your left or your right?
If you're like most people you had to stop and think before giving your answer. In fact, some people are still not one hundred percent certain even when they've answered. And yet all three questions are related to things we do almost every day (except perhaps for those shoe-hating, bungalow-dwelling people on a liquid diet). In fact, we've probably done each activity thousands of times during our lives.
And that's my point.
You see, we do some things so often we don't even think about them anymore. We simply operate on autopilot.
Here's something else I'd now like you to do. Just read the following:
Did it catch you out? Crazy, eh?
And the reason?
It's simply this – our brains’ persistent and hardwired preoccupation for taking shortcuts. You see, our brains love to conserve energy, and as our brain cells use almost twice as much energy as any other cell in the body, the brain has developed ways to minimize effort.
One way to do so is by recognizing patterns. If everything the brain encounters is familiar – the same office, the same route to work, the same friends – or it carries out repeated routines – getting dressed, climbing stairs, or chewing food – it hums along quite happily on autopilot. The daily repetition of our lives means the brain can relax; there's no danger to be wary of, and nothing out of the ordinary going on. The brain's thinking ‘Relax, I've seen this all before.’ As a result, it doesn't concentrate and consciously register all the information.
Now that can be a good thing. You don't want to spend ages tiring yourself out deciding which order to get dressed in. Neither do you want to do the same when climbing stairs or chewing food. The same goes for when you're driving – you can just do it on autopilot, relax, and let your mind wander.
But that's the problem.
If we're not careful we can switch off too often. It's easy to do – to repeat over and over again regular routines, routes, and habits. But when we do, it's like living life on fast-forward.
You see, to a young child everything is new, hence their sense of awe when they see animals on a farm and planes in the sky. But as these things become increasingly familiar, it's easy to take their existence for granted and to almost stop noticing them (unless, of course, you're a farmer or a plane spotter).
I'm fascinated and challenged by these words from Einstein:
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
You know what I've realized? It's important to notice what's under your nose. To actually take time to stop, pause, and reflect. Be aware of things. Appreciate that instant running water, that hot shower, and those trees that line the street where you live.
So, rather than focusing on what you will eat next, take a moment to really enjoy what you're eating now. This is something I've started to do more. I'm taking time to appreciate the extraordinary when experiencing the ordinary. And I'm a little weird when I do so. The reason?
Well, I've started to close my eyes when I'm eating my food.
Now I don't do this throughout the whole meal obviously – that could be quite awkward, fishing around my plate with my knife and fork, searching out my next mouthful to eat. It would also be off-putting for the people I was eating with! But I do now take a couple of mouthfuls and take time to notice what I'm eating and become aware of the tastes and textures when I do so.
Now maybe we would all do that if we were in some expensive restaurant and paid a fortune for the meal. But I'm suggesting we do this on a daily basis, whatever we're eating. Trust me, cornflakes have never tasted so good.
OK, that's one example, but behind the quirky illustration there's a serious point.
Life, even with all its challenges, is still an amazing experience. But I'm left wondering, perhaps due to overexposure, if we've become immune to the awe-inspiring things that surround us.
Are we taking life, people, and places for granted?
The reality is, we seek out new experiences to impress us and fail to notice the miracles around us.
I love this quote from the Jewish philosopher and theologian Abraham Heschel:
Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement ... Get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted. Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually. To be spiritual is to be amazed.
You might not be aware of it, but most of us have encountered the Seven Wonders of the World. Really, we have.
Those Seven Wonders are as follows:
Why not take a moment to appreciate the great life you already have? We're beneficiaries of hundreds and hundreds of years of human development in relation to education, technology, health care, sanitation, entertainment, architecture, medical advancements, travel. The list is endless.
Take a moment to look around you and notice nature. Stop and stare. Get off fast-forward. We're surrounded by awe-inspiring stuff. Please don't take it all for granted.
And remember, if you did wake up feeling tired and miserable, you woke up. So, dust yourself down and start experiencing those Seven Wonders. And when you do so, don't take those daily miracles for granted.