“Part of my role includes being an expert witness on large renewable energy projects, so I know how important communication and words are. In his book Mark makes insightful observations and strings these together in a unique, refreshing and totally life‐changing way. Perhaps the most powerful connection he makes is that our words and thoughts give rise to our feelings, and combining that with the effective strategies for conversation gives us a simply written, totally empowering and hugely inspiring book.”

Sitara Keppie, Managing Director, Circle Design (UK) Ltd

“We live in a world where both in our personal and business lives electronic communication has become the norm. It has been said that many people are actually losing the skill of simply talking to people. In this book, Mark Rhodes, in his easy‐to‐read down‐to‐earth style, gives all of us a solid framework to maximize our effectiveness in starting conversations in any situation naturally. In doing so he ensures we will achieve the outcomes we want. Thoroughly recommended.”

Robbie Stepney, Managing Director, Calls That Count Limited

“How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone goes way beyond the promise made in the title. An enlightening mixture of common sense and practical experience that is both extremely readable and implementable. Mark has brought to the book the same style that makes him such a great speaker at live events. The ideas for how to approach difficult conversations are a huge bonus, changing the focus to a win–win mindset.”

Ray Noble, Editor, Your Excellency Magazine www.yourexcellencymag.com

“In business, as in all walks of life, communication is vital whatever we are doing. Yet how often do we think about how to engage with others in the best way or how to enhance our skill set in this area? Mark, in his clear and engaging way, gives readers the opportunity to overcome their in‐built fears, practice and improve their skills and learn new ones. Personally, I have learnt a great deal from Mark and have valued reading this book.”

Peter Quilter, ACIB

“This book shows you how to make your thinking work for you – not against you – so that you can talk successfully with anyone, anywhere. As has been said of Mark's previous book (on success) – keep it with you and read it over and over again!”

Mark Henry, Corporate and Banking Partner, Birketts LLP

“I have seen so many intelligent people held back by their weak communication skills, their fear of ‘speaking to strangers’ in a business environment. It is one thing to tell them they are needlessly being held back; what this book does is detail the practical route to overcoming these fears and being a better communicator – a kind of ‘sat‐nav for stress‐free mingling’!”

Danny Clifford, Managing Partner, Ensors

“As the world's largest Business Networking organization we know that communication, and the ability to be able to build relationships, are absolutely crucial for business and personal success. Mark has been the headline speaker for a number of our conferences and now brings his knowledge and experience in the area of communication to everyone in How to Talk to Absolutely Anyone.”

Charlie Lawson, National Director, BNI UK & Ireland

“Whatever age, background or stage of life you are at, Mark's positive voice of experience connects with you to deliver a myriad of real‐life situations and solutions so you can develop the know‐how to get the best out of communication, and get the best out of life!”

Siobhan Eke, Director of Enterprise and Innovation Principal‐ship, City College Norwich

In memory of Fred

I have to admit that I was slightly puzzled and taken aback when Mark approached me to write the Foreword for How To Talk To Absolutely Anyone. You see, my forté is makeup, beauty, grooming and style. So I was a bit confused as to why Mark would approach me to write a foreword for this kind of book. But then I thought about it and as soon as I started to read it everything clicked into place!

As a makeup artist and beauty/image expert I have been fortunate to work with some of the most beautiful and successful men and women in the world. Individuals who appear to exude confidence whether they are on the red carpet or performing on a stage in front of thousands!

Yet for years I have been a regular face on British TV makeover shows, giving advice and transforming the Great British Public from “drab” to fab. The appetite for these types of shows is relentless . . . People WANT to make the most out of themselves. It doesn't have to cost the earth or take a huge amount of time and effort. Indeed looking and feeling fabulous is NOT just for the rich and famous . . . it's an achievable goal that can work into everyone's timeframe and budget!

The main attribute you need is not Angelina Jolie's perfect pout, or Hugh Jackman's six pack – it's confidence!

Identifying and highlighting your best features will set you on the road to a renewed confidence in yourself.

How To Talk To Absolutely Anyone gives you easy‐to‐follow steps and ideas on how to instantly boost your confidence to approach anyone in any situation. From tackling sensitive work‐related issues to breaking the painfully awkward silence of “lift” travel, this book is an easily digestible read that helps to rethink your approach to socially and personally challenging situations.

I think this is the perfect travel companion as it is easy to skim through to areas of concern for you, as well as containing handy confidence‐boosting techniques for so many tricky situations.

This book really helps you to move your comfort zone, in a similar way that a red lipstick can for a woman or a skincare routine can for a man. There's that classic Fear Factor: “there's no way I can say that!”, “there's no way I can wear that . . . ”, but Mark's refreshing approach on addressing real‐life situations will have an instant effect on how you interact with friends, family and total strangers. After years of public speaking and hosting various events, even I have picked up some invaluable tips.

Like Mark's sellout seminars, his sense of fun and enthusiasm exudes throughout the book, allowing you to relate to the various scenarios regardless of your background.

Enjoy!

Armand

Armand Beasley

International beauty/image expert and celebrity makeup artist

www.armandinternationalltd.com

Communication, the ability to talk to other people, is one of the most important skills you can develop in life. We communicate with other people all of the time. Sometimes it's easy, but at other times it can seem impossible.

This book will give you the tools to become a more natural and effective communicator. You'll become better at talking to people you already know and discover what it is that stops you interacting with people you don't. By the end, you'll be communicating more confidently and more often, and your communication will be sharper; giving you a better chance of getting the outcomes you're looking for, more often.

Part One covers the fears associated with starting conversations, from the fear of rejection to worries about what other people might think. You'll also find out how you can reverse the negative feelings that are inbuilt in most of us about communicating with strangers.

Part Two is a walkthrough of the four main stages of an interaction. You'll learn lots of new skills to help you get more of what you want from a conversation or communication, including how to identify who to talk to and who not to talk to, how to open the conversation, how to get people interested in what you've got to say, and how to lead them in the general direction you'd like the conversation to go.

Part Three is a master class in making your communication even better, by working on voice and other conversation techniques. It also covers common pitfalls and you'll learn how to deal with difficult conversations such as telling someone they've made a mistake or asking somebody to do something for you.

Of course, armed with all this information you need to take action, get out there and start talking to people. That's where the daily development plan comes into play at the end of the book. This plan gives you a day‐by‐day process to start really easily, and then gradually build up your skills and confidence. Then you'll be able to talk to absolutely anyone – if you want to that is!

Communication Is All About Understanding

The person you're talking to needs to feel that you understand them and, of course, they need to understand you as well. It is only when you reach a place of mutual understanding that real progress can be made and rapport can grow.

There are two main levels of communication:

1. Primary communication – the actual words you say and the direct meaning that somebody gets from those words.
2. Secondary communication – when people assume or deduce something that you didn't intend from what you say.

Secondary communication is what happens outside the actual words you say – from the impression you create to the multiple interpretations your words are open to.

Let's say you tell somebody that you're paying for a friend to go on holiday. You may assume that they'll think you're a generous person, but the real secondary communication might be that the listener gains a negative impression of your friends. They may think you have friends who survive on handouts: not at all what you intended your communication to achieve.

Many communication problems come back to the “communication gap”; the difference between what you mean when you say something to someone and the meaning they take away.

So why would this be any different? Why would there be a communication gap? Language is really the expression of how you feel about something. Emotions are generated when you have thoughts or experience things in the outside world. You then put together words to express those emotions and say what it is you want, think or need, etc. This all happens at a subconscious level, without the need to think about every word you are going to say.

The gap comes about because different people use different phrases and words to explain their internal or emotional experiences. When you describe something to another person using specific words and phrases, those words and phrases might be different from how they themselves would describe that exact same experience. That means that no one else is likely to fully experience or process the language you use in exactly the same way as you.

Add to this the fact that no one thinks exactly like you do. We've all had different experiences and see the world and our place in it differently. We have varying beliefs and values. Your communication is based upon things that have happened, things that are happening or things that you want to happen in life. There is always internal processing and it is this that varies from person to person.

Imagine a car pulls out in front of you when you are driving down the road. Before you say anything to your passenger, your mind processes the event by considering:

• Your values – what you consider important in life.
• Your beliefs – what you believe people should and shouldn't do when driving and how people should and shouldn't treat each other.
• Your previous experiences of driving and similar situations.
• Your assumptions and expectations or thinking about what could have happened in that situation. After processing all of this on a subconscious level, there are a range of possible comments you may make to your passenger in response.

Your reaction will probably be different to theirs had they been driving. The same external event produces a different response with different language attached to it.

Words mean different things to different people and vary in different situations.

If I say “I've had a fantastic holiday”, for example, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have a fantastic holiday too, just by going to the same place and doing the same things as me. You will have an entirely different set of criteria for what constitutes “fantastic” in respect of a holiday. Likewise, think about the word outspoken. For some people it's a compliment, implying frankness and honesty. For others, it implies criticism.

It's all about how you process different experiences. Your experiences cause you to use certain words and phrases but you can never be sure that the person you are talking to shares your experiences. That's why there is always a communication gap.

We Notice Different Things

Why is it that two people can witness the same event but come up with completely different interpretations? According to Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), when you experience something in the outside world, your mind selectively siphons down the information it is bombarded with, to between five and nine things that it can pay attention to at any one time. The things you siphon off will be different to those that other people do.

We tend to notice the things that are most relevant to us or reflect our worldview. That's why two people can go to the same event and have a very different experience: they notice different things in the same environment. Let's say Person A is scared to be at a football match because there may be tension in the crowd. Due to his preconceptions about the event, he is more likely to notice people who are frowning. Person B goes to the same match expecting people to be relaxed and friendly. He is more likely to notice smiles and laughter. The same event, but a completely different experience.

If you've ever bought a car, you may have had this experience. After you select the make, model and colour you want, you'll rarely, if ever, see that exact car on the road. Your brain doesn't think that things you want are relevant to you. When you eventually get the car though, you start to see similar ones everywhere! Either the universe has decided to put a load more out there just to frustrate you or they were always there and you just weren't seeing them. So what has changed? Now that you've got the car your mind sees similar ones as highly relevant, so they show up in the “five to nine things” your consciousness is currently processing.

We are all unique. We see the world differently even when presented with the same external stimulus. No wonder so many of us feel unsure about starting conversations. Communication is a minefield, but your future opportunities, success and happiness depend on your interaction with other people – and that's where this book comes in.

You can use the content to develop your communication skills in all sorts of situations, whether you want to expand your social life, be that confident person who can strike up a conversation with anyone, or get better at selling or networking. Whatever it is, you'll find strategies, ideas and techniques in this book to help you talk to absolutely anyone!