The fact is, complaining was a big part of my life and upbringing. I often joke that I come from a long line of complainers. I grew up in a Jewish-Italian family with a lot of food and a lot of guilt—a lot of wine and lots of whining. My grand-mother was full of love for her family but full of fear in her life. She was so scared of flying, she would say, “I know when they say your time is up, your time is up, but I don’t want to be on a plane when someone else’s time is up.” And every time I would see my aunt she would start off the conversation with what was wrong with her life. To this day I still get e-mails from her saying “Hi” and then listing her problems. Even birthday cards to my children say, “Happy Birthday, Wish I was not dealing with so many problems so I could enjoy it with you.” But I don’t blame my family. As I said, I come from a long line of complainers. After all, my ancestors walked around the desert complaining for 40 years. In a trip that should have taken 11 days, it took them 40 years. Talk about inefficiency. But that’s what complaining does.

There’s even a passage in the bible where the Israelites are freed from Egypt by Moses. They had spent 400 years as captive slaves and now they were free. At first they were happy and thrilled. But within a month and a half they started complaining about being hungry. They complained about not having enough water. They complained about living in the wilderness. They even said it would be better to be back in Egypt as slaves rather than be free in the desert. Three hundred years of slavery, and all it took was a month and a half to start complaining again. Finally, God got so frustrated with all the complaining that He threatened their very existence. Turns out God is a big proponent of the No Complaining Rule. I would even venture to say that God originated it.☺

It turned out that my wife wasn’t a big fan of complaining either. Even though complaining was ingrained in my DNA and the cards were stacked against me, when she threatened the very existence of our marriage I had no choice but to take a long, hard look at my life and realize how my complaining and negativity were manifesting in everything that was wrong in my life. I was dying every day instead of living. I came to agree with Abraham Lincoln that “A man is about as happy as he chooses to be.” And so I began to research the positive effects of being positive and the harmful effects of being negative. This led me to write, speak, and consult with businesses and organizations and this ultimately led me to the No Complaining Rule.

Do I still complain? You bet I do. Just a whole lot less. Do I still get down? Of course. We all get down, but the key is how we turn it around. Every one of us will face negativity, energy vampires, and obstacles on the road to success. That is why one of the most important things we can do in business and life is to stay positive with strategies that turn negative energy into positive solutions. Thus the goal of this book is not to eliminate all complaining, just mindless, chronic complaining. And the bigger goal is to turn justified complaints into positive solutions. After all, every complaint represents an opportunity to turn something negative into a positive. We can use customer complaints to improve our service. Employee complaints can serve as a catalyst for innovation and new processes. And our own complaints can serve as signals that let us know what we don’t want, so we can focus on what we do want. In this spirit I share with you a story about the No Complaining Rule and other positive ways to deal with negativity at work and at home.