Praise for Become the Real Deal

“In choosing whom to willingly follow, it often comes down to ‘know, like, and trust.’ And, each of these will occur to the degree people sense—rather, they know—that the person they experience is the real you; the authentic you. In other words, that you are in fact…The Real Deal! The good news is that this is already inside of you. The even better news is that you are about to learn from the master in her field how to tap into this sense of authenticity and communicate it much more effectively. The result will be more self-confidence, more effectiveness, and a true connection with those you wish to connect. Make a study of these teachings and enjoy the accelerated growth you'll experience both personally and professionally. Great job, Connie. Terrific!!”

—Bob Burg, Wall Street Journal and BusinessWeek Bestselling Coauthor of The Go-Giver and Go Givers Sell More

“If you are looking to earn trust and build influence with others, realness is a must. Read Become the Real Deal to learn how to make that a part of your professional fabric.”

—Tim Sanders, New York Times Bestselling author of Love Is the Killer App: How To Win Business and Influence Friends

“Become the Real Deal is a masterful guide to harnessing your natural abilities to influence others, radiate executive presence, and build the lifelong relationships you need to succeed.”

—Andrew Sobel, Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of Power Questions and Clients for Life

“All leaders need to be the real deal and in this insightful and useful new book you get field-tested strategies—and important warnings—to make sure you Become the Real Deal. Whether you want to advance your career or move your team to take action, executive coach Connie Dieken reveals the layers that will help you master your presence and influence.”

—Mark Sanborn, New York Times and Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of The Fred Factor and Fred 2.0

“Authenticity is the foundation of great leadership, so, as leaders, we need to be ourselves every day, in everything we do. Connie Dieken artfully identifies the situations and relationships that push us off center, and then she pulls us right back to the core of who we really are. Become the Real Deal is…well…the real deal.”

—Steve Farber, New York Times Bestselling Author of The Radical Leap Re-Energized and Greater Than Yourself

“A fascinating read, Connie Dieken's insightful research and strategies will help you center yourself, engage others, and boost your leadership gravitas.”

—Sally Hogshead, Hall of Fame Speaker, CEO and Founder of The Fascination Advantage

“Connie Dieken is a master of influence and communication. Her book Become the Real Deal is the real deal. Get it. Devour it.”

—Randy Gage, New York Times Bestselling Author of Risky Is the New Safe

“Today's leaders are called to be authentic and perfect at the same time. It's an impossible standard, but Connie Dieken's new book will show you how to thread this new leadership needle to achieve both inner and outer presence. It's a must-read.”

—Nick Morgan, Author of Trust Me

“Authenticity is today's must-have leadership trait. Connie Dieken's three-layered approach will help you balance being with doing to increase your influence and become the Real Deal.”

—Carol Roth, WGN Radio Host, and New York Times Bestselling Author of The Entrepreneur Equation

“If you're looking to influence boldly, earn trust, and become a leadership powerhouse, Become the Real Deal is for you. Connie Dieken is a powerful, fresh voice in leadership presence. ”

—Michael Port, New York Times Bestselling Author of Book Yourself Solid and The Think Big Manifesto

“I've been an ardent fan and follower of Connie Dieken's brilliance for years. I listen to what Connie says and read what Connie writes and try as hard as possible to apply her insight and output to my activities and my life. Connie has changed the way I look at myself and the way I present myself to the world. What she tells me simply makes sense. Better yet—it works.”

—Bruce Turkel, Author of Building Brand Value

“I place a premium on amazing experiences. As you dive into Connie's Become the Real Deal, you'll discover compelling stories and remarkable guidance on how to transform your leadership approach. You may not want to come up for air until you finish.”

—Shep Hyken, New York Times and Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of The Amazement Revolution

Cover design: Wiley

Copyright © 2013 by Connie Dieken. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Dieken, Connie, 1959-

Become the real deal : the proven path to influence & executive presence / Connie Dieken.

pages cm

Includes index.

ISBN 978-1-118-63378-6 (cloth); ISBN 978-1-118-75510-5 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-75505-1 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-75512-9 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-80970-9 (e-ebk); ISBN 978-1-118-82054-4 (e-ebk)

1. Executive ability. 2. Executives. 3. Influence (Psychology) 4. Leadership. I. Title.

HD38.2.D54 2013

658.4′09–dc23

2013017388

To Joan

Scholar. Nurse. Wife. Single mother.

Sunday school teacher. Girl Scout leader.

Cancer survivor. Cancer victim.

Thank you for modeling the real deal, mom, no matter what hand life dealt you. Your presence lives on in your children, grandchildren, and the countless lives that you influenced.

Foreword

Connie Dieken's Become the Real Deal strikes a chord with me. She says, “The world demands perfection, yet craves authenticity.” This is a challenge for many leaders. It's a challenge of identity and reputation, which I discuss extensively in my book Mojo.

Identity, or who you think you are, is subtle. Most people will answer this question based on others' perceptions of them. For example, they will respond, “I think people perceive me as someone who...” I stop them when they start with this answer, and tell them to take everyone else in the world out of the equation, including their spouse, family, and closest friends, and ask them to consider how they perceive themselves. Often this question is followed by a long period of silence as they struggle to get their own self-image into focus. This is very telling, because without a firm handle on our identity, we may never be able to be our true and authentic selves.

Reputation, or who other people think you are and what other people think you've done lately, are less subtle than the question about identity. Your reputation is a scoreboard that is kept by others. It's your coworkers, customers, friends, and sometimes even strangers, grabbing the right to grade your performance—and tell the rest of the world what they think about you! Although you can't be in total control of your reputation, you can maintain and improve it, and this can have an enormous impact on your ability to be “the real deal.”

Connie takes the idea of being authentic—of having authenticity be part of our identity and also part of how others know us or our reputation—and gives us a solution to achieving it based on what she calls the Three Layers of Presence. Connie's layers are a wonderful leadership model that will help you as a leader succeed and lead at the highest levels. Thank you, Connie, for providing us with a model of leadership that will help us discover our true selves and our authenticity, and for giving us a solution to staying centered and “real” in the fast-paced world of business today!

Life is good.

—Marshall Goldsmith,

Author of the New York Times

Bestsellers Mojo and

What Got You Here Won't Get You There